Poem ‘Trust’

Trust

It seems these days we don’t know who we can trust,

Not those we respected, with powerful jobs to earn their crust,

Now it is routine to hear of a scandal,

It seems the power they own, they don’t know how to handle,

More and more wealth they want to gain,

Whilst disbelief and despair are all that remain,

From the innocent parties who have been affected,

Whose needs and rights have been neglected,

They have no second thought of their behaviour,

As they all stick together and pull in favours,

When all is found out their respect is lost,

And all becomes apparent of the cost,

A horrid tumult of so much deceit

Those who were close quickly retreat,

To remove themselves from the confusing tangle,

Which if caught up in could easily strangle,

Of their careers and future this will be the end,

Too much damage caused that cannot mend,

Of these villains and crooks we want to be free,

But should also be aware of what we can see,

Because our views and perspective don’t see perfection,

For all that we see is from us a reflection.

 

 

Poem ‘Perfect Moment’

Perfect Moment

During the times when you reflect,

Do you feel sadness and regret,

Of dreams you had but did not follow,

For all the decisions you ever took,

Were made in the moment when you could look,

At all the options which were available to you,

With inner knowing you really knew,

The way forward for your soul’s needs,

To gain in knowledge and plant new seeds,

To follow this path and where it leads,

Out of love, not out of greed,

So please, when you look back and reflect,

Know that each moment was always perfect.

 

I wrote this poem after reflecting on some past event. it is so easy to look back on the past and judge yourself badly for making the wrong choice. But, all our choices lead us to where we are now. That’s a good thing.

It’s not always easy when you’re dealing with a challenge to see everything from the bigger picture. We always make what we feel is the right decision at the time. It’s very important to accept this and not give ourselves a hard time for it!

Poem ‘Not A Possession’

Not A Possession

I am my own person, I am not a possession,

I will not be paraded as if in a procession,

All my decisions are mine alone,

My choice of partner, career and home,

I live in Love, not in fear,

My path ahead is bright and clear,

If you have a problem with what I do,

The problem is not mine, it lies with you,

Through all my challenges I make my own way,

I will not be put off course by what you say,

To you this may be quite a surprise,

That each day I’m stronger and become more wise,

I go through each day following deep inner knowing,

I love all I do, with a smile always showing,

I would like to thank you for your concern,

Whilst I stay on my true path, with my lessons to learn.

Poem ‘Manifestation’

MANIFESTATION

If we always look to the future or always look to the past,

Our dreams and ambitions will fade and not last,

Whenever we’re looking forward, or looking back,

Living in the moment is what we lack,

When we live in the Now, we are fully present,

We need to practice this as it is where we’re meant,

To find the stillness which keeps us connected,

Then our glorious selves won’t be rejected,

By our ego, which takes is off course,

By filling our minds with hatred and remorse,

Causing us our time to waste,

Making decisions in too much haste,

Wishing we were some-place or other,

Placing over our inner being a thick, heavy cover,

When we are fully present we can truly imagine,

Our lives as we want them, but we can also bring,

All that we need for this into our imagination,

Which will help to manifest it, bring it into creation,

We need to see it, smell it, hear it- to really feel,

It, as if it exists now, as if it’s already real,

It’s a powerful tool, working with visualisation,

For it brings what we imagine into manifestation,

In the now is where your dreams exist,

It is where we can find eternal bliss.

Poem ‘Here Now’

I wrote this around the time I started my business in 2010.

 

Here Now 

Here I stand on this new day,

My path is clear, nothing in my way,

 Everything I need is within my reach,

From my example, others I teach,

To live each day guided by Love’s flow,

That all is perfect, I do know,

I continue forward, following my guide,

With no need to run and no need to hide,

Throughout my journey I give love to others,

All of my sisters and all of my brothers,

Feeling togetherness, all is as one,

Man and people, planets and suns,

Giving, receiving, from the heart so pure,

I’m in the right place now, that is for sure.

My Journey To Mindfulness: Part 1

Before I write about my experiences, I would like to give the definition of the mind and of mindfulness:

  • The Mind: Oxford Living Dictionaries define the mind as ‘The element of a person that enables them to be aware of the world and their experiences, to think and feel; the faculty of consciousness and thought.’
  • Mindfulness: Psychology Today State ‘Mindfulness is a state of active, open attention on the present. When you’re mindful, you carefully observe your thoughts and feelings without judging them good or bad. Instead of letting your life pass you by, mindfulness means living in the moment and awakening your current experience, rather than dwelling on the past, or anticipating the future.’

I believe our minds are very powerful. If we’re not aware of our thoughts, they can run away with us, moving our attention past or to the future, away from the present. I have to pull myself up on this frequently, but that’s all part of the journey. I am aware when my attention has moved away from the present and I am able to adjust.

My first experiences of realising how strong our minds can be was during my work as a nursing auxillary. I was around 20 years old. The first situation was with a patient who had been admitted with a stroke. She was unconscious, with CT results showing a huge amount of brain infarction (death of cells). Medical staff informed her family that she probably wouldn’t recover from it.  Within 24 hours all her children, apart from one who was in Hong Kong, had visited to say goodbye. It took her son 4 days to make the journey. The night following his visit, she peacefully passed away. I was amazed that she was able to wait to die until after her son saw her.

This was the first realisation I had of how, in some circumstances, there’s a possibility we are able to make the transition of death consciously. That’s an incredible realisation. We may have the power to choose when we die. This means death may not just be something physical which happens to us when our body stops functioning. It means there’s a likelihood we consciously take part in the transition.

My second experience whilst working on the same medical ward was during a hectic shift. We’d had a cardiac arrest first thing in the morning. That lady didn’t make it. Inevitably, we were running behind. In those days we made sure all patients were washed before lunch time. At the point I was gathering the other nurse who was going on break with me, a buzzer rang in one of the side rooms. It was a 92(ish) year old man, who had been admitted with one form of chronic leukemia. He asked if he could get back onto the bed. This took two members of staff as a hoist was needed to transfer him. Due to time constraints it was impossible that was able to happen at that time. I told him we could get him back on the bed first thing after our break. He replied ‘I’m dying you know’. I told him he wasn’t, as it was part of the job to remain positive and encourage the patients to be so too. He once again told me he was dying. I left him, with the belief I would help him back on the bed after the coffee break.

We returned from our fifteen minute break to find the crash trolley outside his room. He’d had a cardiac arrest and died in the chair. I can’t remember, but I think they got him back on the bed to work on him.  I felt awful. I had denied someone their dying wish.  I deeply regret that now and of course if I could change that, I would.

At the time I wasn’t aware that a person could be so conscious of their impending death. It is something I have often thought about over the years. His statement has become part of the foundation of how I treat and respect people. I believe others when they tell me how they feel. Even children. It makes me so angry when adults don’t believe children just because they are children. Especially schools/teachers not believing in illness and being poorly. However, that’s another post!

The main thought these experiences led to is that if our mind has this much power in our lives, how can we use this to our benefit?  Our minds can have a negative effect on our lives, by always bringing us down and somehow, drawing our attention to bad things that happened. We have the ability to use our mind in a positive way, to not let it control us by taking our attention away from the present in a negative way.

 

Disappointment At Bude Pool

Do you visit ‘Splash’ pool in Bude whilst away in North Cornwall or North Devon?

We’ve been going to Splash in Bude for many years. Our reason for travelling the large distance from our town to Bude was the waves at the pool, with the added bonus of the slide too.

Last year we invested in a couple of floaties for my daughter to use whilst the wave machine was on. She loved it, it was also such good exercise to strengthen her core muscles, as she has joint issues with Ehlers Danlos Syndrome.

We returned this year, a couple of months ago. For a weekend the pool was very quiet. Also, not one floatie was in sight. We were informed that they were now banned due to health and safety. Great!

In all the times I had been there, there had never been a health and safety issue with floaties. The only issues we had were with toddlers walking off with them!

Sadly, we won’t be heading out to Bude as frequently now. It’s a shame as it was by far the best swimming pool this side of Butlins, Minehead. I’m sure the business will suffer as children won’t want to go if they can’t use floaties. My daughter doesn’t want to go now. I think there’s going to be a lot of disappointed holiday makers who visit Splash  this year.

Poem ~Smile~

I wrote this many years ago, when chronic fatigue was a massive challenge for me. My daughter was at primary school. It was nice to do the school run as that was how I socialized. I needed to rest on the bed before and after lunch to pace my energy to enable me to walk there and back. There was one parent who was always cheerful and would always speak, which was the inspiration for this poem. It really does make a difference to your well-being if someone says a simple ‘hello’, if you don’t see people through the day.

 

SMILE

Each day I like to see your smile,

It makes me want to stay a while,

Your warmth, your care and welcoming chat,

Comfort me, help me to know that,

The small things we do, the kind words we say,

Create more love and make someone’s day,

We are all so busy, but we all know,

It doesn’t take much to say ‘hello’

To ask someone if they’re alright,

Sends out love and sends out Light,

Each time I go out I follow your lead,

And give someone a smile,  incase they’re in need.

Is Endometrial Ablation The Appropriate Treatment For Pelvic Pain?

I recently had a follow-up at the gynae clinic, with the consultant. She asked me ‘how was the bleeding?’

It’s about the same. It varies. My cycle varies from 21-30 days. I generally bleed for 7 days: spotting for the first day, 2-3 heavy days followed by days of spotting.

The doctors I have seen focus on two things. The amount of bleeding and the pain associated with the bleeding.

I was offered endometrial ablation and a hysteroscopy. These were offered because:

  • I’m anaemic
  • At the time of the initial appointment I was unable to take anti-inflammatories
  • Due to migraines and fibromyalgia it is not a good idea (in my opinion) to have the mirena coil fitted.

I was shocked when she told me ablation is where they burn the lining of the uterus. It stops as many prostaglandins being produced which is what causes the pain.

I was fuming when I arrived home. How on earth can they justify burning a functioning part of the body? That’s torture! Even if your body is under anaesthetic, which mine would be. I was also confused why they want to treat  set of symptoms with destroying healthy tissue.

https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/heavy-periods/treatment/

The Bigger Picture:

My pelvic pain symptoms aren’t just connected with heavy bleeding and pain. My pain includes:

  • Tethering pain:  On ultrasound it was discovered that my left ovary is tethered to my bowel. I am aware of this pain and it’s connection to movement and position. Since evidence of this I am aware of tethering pain in other locations (pouch of douglas and right ovary). Ablation isn’t going to stop tethered organs pulling and stretching.
  • Painful bowel movements: I experience this due to stretching of the bowel, which pulls on the tethered ovary. I don’t see how ablation will help pain from mechanical issues connected to bodily functions.
  • Painful urination: I suspect I have interstitial cystitis. A few days before my period my bladder can be extremely painful when it’s full and when it’s emptied. Again, how can endometrial ablation help with a painful bladder?
  • Location of my period pain: I experience period pain around my ovaries. I no longer experience excruciating uterine cramps( but I did for between two and three decades) – only excruciating ovary pain. Once again, how does endometrial ablation stop the pulling, twisting and gripping pain I feel with both ovaries during a period???

No More Periods! 

Whilst some may see this as a relief from the inconvenient, annoying monthly menstruation, I see it as an intrusion of my body’s natural cycle- both monthly and long-term. Even though I have many problems with this, it doesn’t mean I want the cycle to stop. My body is doing what it’s supposed to!

I do not understand how you can burn away the lining of the uterus to then have no periods (I think some people can still have them/ and that they can return). What about the hormonal cycle you still experience. You’re still meant to have periods- as dictated by your hormonal cycle.

To me, I see that as creating a gap from that which your hormones are managing to the inability to allow those changes to happen as you’ve had part of your body destroyed. It doesn’t make sense! Is a hormonal imbalance created as your body can’t do what the hormones are trying to make happen?

Your Right To Experience Menopause Is Taken Away From You

Menopause is something I want to experience. I think it’s a privelidge to have reached this part of my life. Not everyone is lucky enough to make it to the grand age of 45, which I have reached.

I Don’t Want More Surgeries To Treat The Effects Of Previous Ones

I feel if I start having surgery for pelvic pain it will eventually lead to additonal problems in the future, which will require more surgery. I read a study carried out in the US where 25% of women who had endometrial ablation needed hysterectomies in 5 years. That’s a big percentage. I want to avoid surgery as I feel it will create more thethering, which will lead to needing more surgery. It may end up being a viscious cycle.

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3866051/

You May Have Five More Years Of This

To back up her suggestion of the ablation the consultant informed that I may have five more years of periods to deal with. That’s actually very positive. In only five years I may have reached menopause. That’s nothing compared to the thirty three years of pain and not quite as many years of heavy bleeding. I am so close to the end. I don’t want to cheat. I want to reach that goal myself, knowing I made the correct choices for the long term health and well being of my body, mind and spirit!

Ways To Cope With The Heat

If you deal with any chronic medical condition which causes fatigue and chronic pain you are probably challenged, as I am, with coping in the hot weather. It drains my energy, gives me nausea and like everyone else makes me irritable and grumpy!

Here are some ways of dealing with the heat.

  1. Stay out of the sun.  I have to stay indoors. I’m okay to hang the washing out if it’s early enough for the heat not to be too intense. Other than that I avoid the sun completely. It flares up the iritis pain in my left eye. I am also photophobic when it’s very bright.
  2. Pull back from your usual activity.  Don’t do any house-work. If you’re used to fatigue, your house may, like mine, not always be looking like a show home. I have decided that chores can wait, my health is more important than a pristine home.
  3. Drink plenty.  This needs to be a priority, especially if like me, you are on diuretics or Spironolactone. Once you’ve finished one drink, make another one. Have one near you at all times.
  4. Use a cool flannel/cloth to cool your skin.  This is a great way to stay refreshed and keep cool.
  5. Close the curtains which are facing the sun.  Adopt the ways of those who live in the heat. No sun shining into rooms will stop it becoming as hot.
  6. Open your back door and front door. I know not everyone is lucky to have a back and front door. This is helpful, especially in the evening to circulate the cooler air outside into the house. My Dad did this a lot in the summer and I always do this too. I’m surprised I don’t see more front doors open to cool houses down.
  7. Buy a kiddie pool, or go to a pool. Some people have swimming pools at their house already, but if you don’t, a great alternative is to buy a kiddie pool. You can buy small ones and bigger ones. We have a very small one from ASDA, which is perfect for babies and dogs or just soaking your feet in. But you can buy bigger ones good for the whole family.
  8. Cold food. Popsicles/Ice lollies are perfect. You could also have fresh fruits, vegetables and any sort of cool food. The saying ‘cool as a cucumber’ is a saying for a reason! Cucumber helps cool you down a lot!